 "But I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me." ~ Psalm 131:2 I awoke this morning thinking of how I, and like so many others, am beginning to struggle to make sense of this time of isolation and uncertainty. I read of things, "going back to business as usual," and then consider the risk that I am willing to encounter to live that "normalcy."
It is very much like our spiritual life. Having been one who has embraced the teachings of Jesus, and then being asked to live those teachings in a world that does not exist. Recklessness, ignorance, and then of course, simply sin, can invite us into temptation. They serve as the map for the steps that we would take in order to find ourselves once again asking God to, "help and deliver us." I realize that where I am at today is exactly where I need to be. No testing. No wavering. Realizing that where I am and what I have is enough. In 1975, Henri Nouwen first published the book, "Reaching Out." It's a small book, and in it, he writes, "Instead of running away from our loneliness and trying to forget or deny it, we have to protect it and turn it into a fruitful solitude. To live a spiritual life we must first find the courage to enter into the desert of our loneliness and to change it by gentle and persistent efforts into a garden of solitude. This requires not only courage but also a strong faith. As hard as it is to believe that the dry desolate desert can yield endless varieties of flowers, it is equally hard to imagine that our loneliness is hiding unknown beauty. The movement from loneliness to solitude, however, is the beginning of any spiritual life because it is the movement from the restless senses to the restful spirit, from the outward-reaching cravings to the inward-reaching search, from the fearful clinging to the fearless play." About now I realize that my idea of turning my own isolation into solitude is leaving me with what seems to be a deeper level of loneliness. I am surrounded each day by my family that loves me, and I have every need that I have being met. I have a place to live, food, and I am safe, but yet, there is this "other," sense of loneliness that seems to be settling in. As I take another sip of coffee, and listen as the breeze as it moves through the screens of my home, I suddenly realize this next level of loneliness cannot be resolved by friends, family, or having "things to do." Not even the community that surrounds me can keep me from "this," loneliness. It must be encountered and lived through. This second loneliness is an existential loneliness that belongs to the basis of our being. It’s where we are unfulfilled because only God can fill us. What I am realizing is that each of us are being offered an important experience. In the loneliness that we are encountering, which for many about now is similar to a dark night of the soul, we are each learning that God is greater than the world around us. In many ways it’s good because that kind of suffering makes us realize that this world is not the final destination. So what do we do with this? We keep living. We recognize both the "good," the "bad," and even the "in between" times. We continue to handle our daily responsibilities, work, rest, worship and play. We ask God to be known in our loneliness, to give glimpses of beauty in the midst of the difficult moments, and draw our hearts to hope for a different future. A future when the loneliness doesn't "feel" so lonely and the ultimate future when all of the kinds of loneliness we are encountering will be no more. Stay in God's grip! G. Todd Williams (c) 2020  "So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what God has promised." ~ Hebrews 10:35, 36 This morning I woke up early (because today I am off from hospice and have no other responsibilities to focus on!), and found myself thinking about one of my nieces. She is an amazing, single-mom, focused on raising her children, and finding ways to be present for both her mom and her dad as well. Her oldest son was drafted by the Cleveland Browns in 2017, immediately suffered an injury before even having had the opportunity to play a single game, and last year was waived from the team.
She also lost a son who suffered from a seizure disorder as a young child. You can say that my niece has had a number of "ups and downs." One of the most amazing lessons that she has embraced through it all is that she has focused on teaching all her children that your worth and value does not depend on anyone else, and that claiming your inner truth is the most important thing you can do. What she has experienced in her life has served her well as a mother, teacher, and leader. Recently while talking with her about one of her children, she shared that she was hoping that "all her children," would learn that they are a person worth being loved and called to give love, not because anyone says so. Sometimes recognizing this for any of us can be a struggle, but because each of us are created out of love and live in the embrace of God who did not hesitate to send Jesus for us, our being "good and worthy of love," is not dependent on any human being. It's as if each day we have to remind ourselves, "I am being loved by an unconditional, unlimited love that empowers me to be the person that God has created me to be." It's a lesson that, not just my niece is teaching to her children, but one that we must work to understand each day. The more you can come to realize this, the more you will be able to forgive those who have hurt you and love them in their brokenness. Without a deep feeling of self-respect, you cannot forgive and will always feel anger, resentment and even revenge. The greatest act that any of us can do is to forgive others. As we are reminded in the Lord's prayer, we are to "Forgive our sins as we forgive those who have sinned against us." Forgiveness emerges as the center of God's love for us and serves as the starting place for our love for one another. We are being invited to love one another, which often means that we must offer forgiveness over and over and over again. Stay in God's grip! G. Todd Williams (c) 2020  Listen to my words, Lord, consider my lament. Hear my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray. In the morning, Lord, you hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait expectantly. ~ Psalm 5:1 - 3 This morning I woke up and began my normal rituals. Showering, shaving, getting dressed, then taking the dogs out, while seeing what new blooms in our garden I have to celebrate. A neighbor just a few doors down from us gave birth to a beautiful daughter yesterday. Her pictures appear on my newsfeed and I begin to imagine her with her siblings, riding her bike one day in the cul-de-sac with the rest of her family where we live. I open the front windows to let the morning air in, and I sit with my coffee and begin to write.
I try to avoid the news, and so I quickly check my work email for the names of my hospice patients that may have died last night, and review new patients that were admitted. It helps me know how to pray, and I take a deep breath. I am drawn to the words of Emerson, after having spent time talking with staff about "letting go," of yesterday, because, "This new day is too dear, with its hopes and invitations, to waste a moment on yesterdays." I wish that I could "let go," but yesterday was a difficult day. Filled with conversations with people who are experiencing "feelings of separation," that we are all encountering about now. One of my patients told me it has been, "two months since she has been hugged." A woman from our church, who is blind and lives alone with only a caregiver "checking in," shared of falling, and having to wait on her caregiver to arrive, to "know," just how hurt she was. It is hard to think about the "waste," when the conversations of yesterday overwhelm the invitations of the new day. About now, I think we all could use words of assurance that, "things will be okay." It doesn't need to be headline news, but spoken to our hearts in prayer, on the bus, in the darkened room, down the hallways of hospitals, in the kitchen of a mother who is faced with another day of "teaching from home," and on the streets of a Georgia town where a twenty-five year old black man was senselessly gunned down. We need the assurance that we can accept the invitation of the new day with hope. I feel the need to say, "I still believe," as one who is drowning, and then pulled as the water consumes me. In the 5th Psalm, the writer asks, "Are you listening, Lord? Can you hear my stifled sobs?" Assurance comes as we search in the dark. Asking God to call us, and that we might have the ability to hear God's voice clearly. Before the troubles of the day begin to take hold, allow the assurance of God to cling to you. Stay in God's grip! G. Todd Williams (c) 2020  Dear Lord, I need to remember that You are my Father and Mother, a parent who cares for me deeply. While Your presence is known in heaven, a place that is sacred in my heart, the place I live now, is also very special because You created it just for me. Help me to invite Your will to be part of my life, both here on earth and in heaven. Today I promise not to want for anything, because I know that You have already provided what I need. Keep me from times where I want something different other than what You want for me. For today I will recognize Your glory, and the power that You possess in my life, for Your's is both the Kingdom and the Power forever and ever. Amen. The prayer that Jesus taught us has always brought me to a place where I have a sense of what mercy truly is. Today has been a day filled with discussions with people who have simply expressed "hopelessness."
Years ago I read the book, "Why Bad Things Happen to Good People," while doing a yearlong fellowship at MD Anderson Cancer Center in Houston, Texas. As a resident chaplain on the Head and Neck Unit I found myself face to face with many families who literally were paralyzed by a diagnosis and treatment of cancer. I would watch as hopeless situations would be filled with moments of reaching out, grasping, seconds filled with hope, only to die. So many times I would fine myself praying to God at bedsides, ending with the prayer that Jesus taught, hoping for the tenderness of mercy of God to supply the human condition with Divine intervention. To this day I still cannot even begin to offer explanations of why these things happen to people. To explain how the world is filled with imperfection, that we live with our own decisions, and the decisions of others. We are, however, given words, God's prevailing grace, mercy, and presence to make these moments possible to encounter and to survive. When we remember these words, we raise our hearts together, while invoking mercy with one another in these times, "Our Father, which art in heaven, hallowed be Thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day, our daily bread, and forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For Thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen." Stay in God's grip! G. Todd Williams (c) 2020  "You visit the earth and water it, you greatly enrich it; the river of God is full of water; you provide the people with grain, for so you have prepared it. You water its furrows abundantly, settling its ridges, softening it with showers, and blessing its growth. You crown the year with your bounty; your wagon tracks overflow with richness. The pastures of the wilderness overflow, the hills gird themselves with joy, the meadows clothe themselves with flocks, the valleys deck themselves with grain, they shout and sing together for joy." ~ Psalm 65: 9-13 I used to love early spring while growing up on our farm in southern Indiana. After a long winter, we would turn our cattle out into fields that were green with grass. Even the older cattle seemed to "dance" as they stretched and welcomed the open field to run in. I especially enjoyed the new calves that had been born, run and chase one another.
While many of us are still living a life being isolated, we forget that our life is still filled with abundance. It's interesting, even the homeless that I used to work with understood what it meant to live a life of abundance. Often sharing what they had with one another, no matter how great or small, it was a way not of survival, but simply the "right" thing to do. Today our lives can be filled with a lot of distractions, keeping us from seeing the abundance that exists in our lives. We seem to be bombarded with ads for the next generation of technology, and scenes that depict better cars, bigger homes, and easier ways to prepare even our cup of coffee! Simply put, our God is not a god of scarcity, but of abundance. From the time that Jesus collected 12 baskets of leftovers when five loaves and a few fish were all that they had to begin with, to Jesus telling Simon to cast his nets and the catch is so great that his boat begins to sink. God doesn't simply give us enough, God gives us more than enough, including more love than we could ever ask to receive. What is it that you have experienced in abundance? An easy trap for any of us is to look at what others have, or what the world seems to want to sell us as abundance, then look at own life and become depressed. Abundance can be found in many forms, but when we fail to see it already in our life, then we miss so much more! Stay in God's grip! G. Todd Williams (c) 2020  "These are the [ones] who divide you, who follow mere natural instincts but do not have the Spirit. But you, dear friends, build yourselves up in your most holy faith and pray in the Holy Spirit. Keep yourselves in God's love as you wait for the mercy of our Lord Jesus Christ to bring you to eternal life. Be merciful to those who doubt." ~ Jude 19-22 Lately when I think of the word "isolation," I cannot help but also consider the word, "solitude" as well. Although the two words are synonymous, each of these words conjures up something different for me. Isolation seems to represent rejection or a detachment from something or someone. While solitude seems to represent a quality of being, which allows me to become focused, quiet and centered.
At this time in the world, we all seem to know a little something about the "isolation experience." In many ways, I'm hoping that the time we are taking now will change us internally so that the external world will be altered when we once again step out into our communities. In many ways, I am reminded that by staying busy we tend to numb ourselves, rather than learn to transform our loneliness or isolation into solitude. In many ways, we are being offered the perfect opportunity to withdraw from the world. When we live our life with the solitude of heart, we can listen with attention to the words and the situations of others. I am reminded that God is faithful to empower the experience of isolation, and that God will bring each of us out of isolation as well. We live in a world where we are constantly being pulled away from our internal world and forced to focus on our external world. But in solitude we can pay attention to our inner self. Our world is not divided between people who are isolated and those who live in solitude. Each of us fluctuate between the two. When we are finally able to recognize the difference between the two, we can then develop a sensitivity for what may seem like an inner valley of tension. We don't have to feel isolated or lonely and can begin to discern the direction that God is calling us to move. Indeed, loneliness can be transformed into the solitude of the heart. How are you living today in this tension? Stay in God's grip! G. Todd Williams (c) 2020 |
AuthorRev. G. Todd Williams is the author of the book, "Remember Me When..." and is a former hospice chaplain and pastor. Archives
February 2024
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