Peace, for me, is the emotion I identify with faith.

Sometimes I wonder if we consider peace to be an adjective to describe our faith, or as the manifestation of how God is present and watching over us.

It seems that these days require disturbance, anxiety, or uncertainty. It seems as if there are demands on us that then begin to characterize our life. It brings about anything but peace.

​Sometimes I long to hear the words, "I've got a peaceful, easy feeling," playing again on the radio.
But Christ reminds us that peace is an important factor in our faith. It is the very thing he proclaims is left for us.

Stay in God's grip!

I have encountered many ups and downs in my lifetime, including relationships, jobs, and with myself.  Many times in my life I have seen myself as useless, and unloved.  We all have experienced moments where we have needed a sense of "belonging," of "being loved."

I am drawn to the day that Jesus was baptized, and as the water fell from his face, the sky opened and a voice proclaimed that he was indeed, God's "beloved."

We too, seek similar moments.  Where we are washed over by feelings of that love, and have a need to hear these words.  We long for that "inner voice," to remind us of our worth, and that we are not alone. 

A year ago I was busy caring for my cousin, John, who had suffered many years with addiction.  Often homeless, or incarcerated, John carried with him many childlike qualities.  Even this morning, I can hear his scruffy voice reminding me, "You know cuz, I love you."

It's hard to believe that a year ago we would be starting our final week together, and what the coming days would bring before he died.  

I suppose that I am grieving him this morning, while also celebrating the anniversary of my ordination and six years of marriage.   The impact of all these milestones leaves me filled with mixed emotions as I write these words.  

I am reminded that we are invited to be vulnerable people.  John, in his final days, found a place where he could honestly share his fears, the deep pains of his addictions, and the losses he had encountered, while also finally finding a place where he knew and felt loved.

I think that what I have discovered this morning, is that voice, reminding me that I am also "beloved."  

Each of us have a deep longing in our heart to find this place.  The place where we are able to hear this voice, and to know of our worth.  To encounter grace, and to be brought to a place where we can experience healing and wholeness.  Acknowledging our pain and losses, while also facing the times that we have done harm to others, while doubting ourselves.  

Finding our true home is a journey of not just faith.  It is about surrendering ourselves to be guided as well.  We must find ways to be directed by our heart, so that we can emerge from where we are and discover our sacred home.   Each day we must find ways to take, even the smallest steps, towards the life that God has for us, while avoiding bitter and resentful moments.  

I consider the years and times that God's people have lived in exile, and I recognize their words they have left for us.  They say that, "some things never change."  I have to believe that it is God that never changes.  We just have to remember this each day as we make our way home.

I am reminded of two things... not to get too absorbed and distracted by the past, that I fail to see the blessings that today has to offer.

Stay in God's grip!

G. Todd Williams (c) 2020

This morning I woke up with the thought that I seem to be "carrying" a lot of things on my shoulders right now.  Some of the things I am carrying are actually weighing me down, both physically and spiritually.  A few of the these things are also quite painful. 

As I sort through everything, I realize that some are strictly my own pain, but many are the pain that I can identify as being something that God struggles with me to understand.   In the gospel of Matthew we are reminded to, "Come unto me, all who labor and are heavy laden."

Matthew continues with the words of Jesus, declaring that by doing so we shall find "rest," for our souls.

I am uneasy, and many others who surround my life are uneasy as well.   When I think of Jesus, I realize that the burdens that Jesus bears at this point involves the weight of all humanity.  And then I realize, Jesus has carried the weight of humanity's burdens since the very beginning.  Even as the world has grown in population, Jesus has allowed for the weight of all humanity.

Within the text, we are invited to bear this weight with Jesus as well.  Somehow it is described as being "light," in weight, or somehow it is meant to make things better for us.  I am challenged to think that I should cast more weight on the shoulders of Jesus, while somehow, reaching out and inviting the weight of all humanity to be added to what I have known, witnessed, and experienced.  I feel both sorrow and gratefulness for a Savior who has yet to proclaim, "I can't take this any longer."

There exists a great mystery of how this relationship bears fruit.  I am reminded that a yoke requires balance, and strength.  That carrying the weight of others must be distributed in a way that I can both hold it steady and move at the same time.  A yoke is about being able to carry something from one place to another.  It is not merely taking hold and just standing still.

Perhaps that is why in the sharing there is finally the surrendering that does take place.  Taking on the yoke of Jesus is also about surrendering that which we carry.  I am reminded that I am met with God's love every time that I find that I am no longer able to carry these  things alone.

I am also reminded time and time again that I must surrender inwardly, where Christ dwells, and in doing so, I relinquish myself and embrace the embodiment of Christ within.

It is then that I suddenly realize that "rest to the soul," is about finding a place of peace.  It's  not always about relinquishing the problem, but finding a peaceful way of working through it.  It's no longer "just my burden."  It is a shared understanding of what the "burden," or "problem," is and that with the help of Christ, I might find a way to move forward while taking the yoke of Christ with me.

It is not always about ignoring the load, it is about finding a way to carry the load in a way that it no longer has power, heaviness, or a paralyzing presence in our life.

Stay in God's grip!

​G. Todd Williams (c) 2020

When I first went to work in the corporate world after college, I realized within the first few years that I was a complete micro manager! Not just a little. A whole lot!I
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f there was a problem in the company I worked for, and it was within the area that I had been assigned, it wasn't solved with just a phone call.  No!  I got into my car and often went  to where the issue was located to fix it, and living in Wyoming at the time, I sometimes drove hundreds of miles to solve it.  The end result wasn't always the best solution.  Many times it left me tired, and with no time to do the real job that I had effectively.

I think that is the gift of youth.  I had the energy to do all of that!

Even as I aged it didn't necessarily get any better.  I soon wanted to know exactly what my kids were up to.  I monitored computer use, made sure I met friends, and even made sure clothing was appropriate.  Yes, I was ONE OF THOSE dads!  

It wasn't until I found myself in a bad relationship, in a health crisis, and unable to care for myself that I suddenly had a real dose of reality.  There are simply things in this world that I cannot control.

As I look back, I ask God, "So, you think that you could have found an easier way for me to learn this fact?"

You see, it wasn't so much God's doing.  I'm part of the human race, and to put it simply, sometimes we mess up and we must learn to live with what has happened.  It's an imperfect world, filled with imperfect people, and sometimes that imperfection can really control our lives.  We can't fix everything.

I would learn that as a chaplain.  I was paged to the labor and delivery area of the hospital I was working one day.  The page was in response to a code that was in progress.  An infant girl, just two days old, was experiencing cardiac arrest.  As I watched the team work on the tiny baby, I stood beside the young parents.  The father was only 18 and the mother 16.  As they watched, the doctor looked at me.  I will never forget her eyes.  We had worked together for some time, and the look that she gave me let me know that there was nothing in our control.

I turned to the young father and said, "Your daughter needs you to be her daddy right now.  I'm so sorry, but you need to make a decision.  The team is going to keep trying, but this is not going to turn out well, or the way you hoped."

Her father responded, "I thought that we would have her longer."

"Every father hopes that he will have his daughter longer, but every father, at some point, must learn to let go."

​We must learn that the only real thing that we have control of is the love that we have for one another and for God.  The rest, well let me just say, and even to remind myself, sometimes we simply can't do anything about.  I can't tell you how many times when our hospice team discusses a patient and the patient's family that we share, "There is nothing we can do to put this in a box and tie it up with a pretty bow."

I wish that I had some words of faith, or encouragement that would somehow make sense, or restore some ability to make the changes that we hope for, but sometimes, we must learn to let it go.

Years ago someone told me to, "Let go and let God." 

As much as I would like to partner with God to still have some control, the response time and time again, is this... "I am with you always... even unto the ends of the earth."

Stay in God's grip!

G. Todd Williams (c) 2020

I sat with a young woman earlier this week.  She is a special needs person who has struggled her entire life with health issues, and now is on hospice.  There is something about being with people who, even as an adult, possess the faith of a child.

Her younger sister has cared for her for twenty years since their mother died, and has devoted her entire life to making sure that her sister has been cared for.  Laughter erupted as the two shared that because of the pandemic, the younger sister has been "forced," into the kitchen and has begun to work on the recipes that their mother taught them.  "I bought five pounds of corn flour.  I decided that if I didn't find a way to make corn tortillas like our mother by the end of the bag, then I just wasn't going to get it right."

I asked her sister, "So, how did she do?"

Her sister closed her eyes, pulled her lips in, and then laughed out, "They were awful!  They just fell apart!"

We laughed so hard that we all had tears in our eyes, "But then I got it," the one sister shared.  "It was as if I could hear our mother's voice, and before long, I could remember the 'feel,' and could hear her saying, 'You've got it.'"

It got quiet, and the two sisters looked at one another, and the young woman who is my patient looked at me and said, "and mom told me I get to come to heaven with her soon."

Her bed, up against the wall of the bedroom, lined with various Sesame Street stuffed characters, seem to look at us as we talked.   "So, what do you think that will be like?" I asked.

The young woman was out of breath from laughter, and she slowly began to share, "It's going to be beautiful, but I am going to be sad.  I'm going to miss my sister."

In just a few words, our tears of laughter, managed to turn to tears of grief, and they hugged one another.  The depth of love the two have for one another reminds me of the extent that we can actually love one another.  Their love is the presence of God's love for us.  Unselfish, unconditional, and unwavering.  

In a world that is filled with conditional relationships, I am reminded that love can exist.  Their relationship and love for one another is honest.  The two shared about a time as children when they would fight with one another.  "Our mom would braid our hair, and she would only do it every other day, so those braids were so tight that it would pull our face back," they laughed again as the one sister took both hands and pulled her face back to illustrate just how tight the braids were.  "When we would fight, we would grab one another's braids and pull as hard as we could, because we already knew they hurt, and that it would just hurt more."

I asked, "So, how would you make up?"

They shared, "We slept in the same bed.  There was no choice but just to forgive each other."

Again, their relationship reminded me that we are to love one another deeply, just as God loves each of us.  None of us are immune from the power of God's love.  Those who have turned away, or been angry, or struggled to do "what's right," are never beyond the love of God.
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I shared, "You are so fortunate.  There is not a single day that the two of you have shared where you haven't felt some form of love for one another."

None of us should hold back from loving deeply.  There will be great pain when the one sister dies, but that does not prevent them from loving one another.  Their relationship is the visual reminder for those who struggle to have faith, to believe, or to know just how deeply we can love, and be loved.

It is the reminder of just how deeply God loves us, and makes me realize why it is that God sent Jesus.  We are called to love one another, just as God has loved us.  I'm grateful for these two sisters who have embodied this love.

Stay in God's grip!

G. Todd Williams (c) 2020

In each of our lives we have moments when we "know" that something really important is happening within us. Often it is related to a new direction in our life or a significant re-commitment to a path that we are already on. We have a deep sense that the new step we are taking matters very much.

Don't ever think that God is not doing "something" in your life.

Each of us matters to God. The manifestation of Christ takes many forms. Within the womb of a Hebrew girl. On the steps of our Nation's Capitol where justice seekers stand and hold signs. On the playground where a bully's words have brought out strength unseen before in his victim. Or in the silent moment of prayer where peace seems to roll in like the evening tide.

I could go on and on about what God is doing in our lives, but it is up to each of us to seek out the Spirit and allow it to rise up and recognize by living out the manifestation.

I'm praying that today others see the manifestation of the amazing Trinity in each of us, and that we allow that new direction, or re-commitment, be allowed to take complete control in our life.

May the Lord bless and keep the Spirit within moving towards the light of day. To evoke change in you. And for YOU to be forever changed. Amen.

Stay in God's grip!

G. Todd Williams (c) 2020

Today I was on the phone with the mother of one my hospice patients.  Because of COVID and her age, she cannot travel, and lives nearly 2,000 miles away.   She called me, and was so excited because her son had, "a good day," and was able to talk to her for almost five minutes.

As I sat and listened to her joy, I found myself filled with her happiness.  Even though she cannot be present with him, she talked about how, "today was such a gift."

There is something about how one moment of joy can overwhelm the sadness.  While her son is still declining and dying, for five minutes she knew joy, and it took over all the pain and sadness she had been feeling.  "Even if for one minute I know my son is happy, I can be happy all day," she shared.

This intimate experience in which every bit of her life was touched by happiness, she was reminded that joy extends beyond our existence.  

After I hung up the phone, I couldn't help but look forward to the day, with expectation, when our hearts will be filled with perfect joy.  A joy that no one, and nothing, will be taken from us.

May joy find its way to each of us.

Stay in God's grip!

G. Todd Williams (c) 2020

"He leadeth me beside still waters..."

Even the water understands stillness. There is something about rest, or becoming still, that makes us both comfortable and uneasy. 

For those of you who have experienced a tornado, the stillness of the air just moments before destruction is uncanny. 

In the eye of the hurricane, there is an uneasy calm that allows for moments of sunlight, before the winds rise up from the opposite direction. 

The stillness, or calmness, that I have shared describes great events. What I experience when I find myself beside still waters of the bay is simply peace. 

Why is it that we always seem to expect the worst when we experience peace?  The proverbial waiting on the "other shoe to drop" mentality when chaos finds the end and peace is ushered in. 

We seem to experience more moments of calamity than that of ceaseless silence. 

At some point we must know peace. At some point the calmness that we experience beside still waters must become reality. And at some point, the seeking out for solace must become a priority. 

Christ calms the literal storm when the Disciples find their boat beginning to take on water. Christ chastised the men. "Be still and know that I am God."

Stillness is necessary. We live in a world that seems to be overwhelmed by chaos.  Remember peace still exists.  It is up to us to recognize the steps necessary to reach it.

Stay in God's grip!

G. Todd Williams (c) 2020

You are not alone.

One of the first trips I made out towards the Texas City Dike after Hurricane Ike, there was a single pole along the shoreline that was left. It had been a part of a dock that had washed away during the storm.

Although it stood alone it still served a purpose. A single bird was perched on it.

To the bird, it was a place of rest and a place to watch the ships go by. It was still useful.

Helen Keller wrote, "so often we stare at the closed door that we miss the open window."
So often after a tragic loss or change in our life we don't see that there are still many things we are useful for.

There are many things that occur in our life. The important thing is to recognize that when something comes to an end, it is like the closing of a chapter of a book. It's time to write the next chapter.

God is always a God of new beginnings. God assures each of us that God will always be present. With each new beginning, and at each moment where something may be an end or a transition is encountered, God is very real and present.

​Have faith, you are never alone, and it is never truly the end!

Stay in God's grip!

G. Todd Williams (c) 2020