The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit. ~ Psalm 34:18 Over and over again, the Bible is filled with Jesus exhibiting love. Love for the stranger. Love for those who are paralyzed. Love for a criminal. Love for even the least of these. We are encouraged to love those who despise and hate us. To sit and eat with those who are our enemy. While I keep hearing the words of Jesus, I am torn by my own humanness to respond, "I simply cannot."
I am reminded that loving others opens the doors to relationship with others, but it also creates opportunities for pain as well. Some of my deepest wounds have been inflicted by those whom I have loved the deepest. Years ago I volunteered for a violence and sexual assault hotline. I learned about the "Cycle of Violence," and the pain that abuse in relationships can cause. Not for those directly involved, but for family members and friends who are witnesses to the pain that can be caused as well. Abuse suffered by those who we love does more than just cause broken hearts, it can also result in broken lives. In spite of these wounds and the brokenness we may feel, we are encouraged to love. Of course, I am a firm believer that perpetrators of violence must be stopped, and that consequences of their actions must be brought into the light of day, with the hope that the person being victimized can move from the situation to being a survivor, free from the worry of the, "next time." It is harder when those who have inflicted the pain are those that we love. For some, including myself, it takes extraordinary steps to once again trust and allow for the person to participate in the love that I have available for others. If we are not careful, we can certainly become bitter. Sometimes it is a matter of allowing for time. While time does not heal all wounds, it does allow for distance. And then there are those opportunities to stand where you are, and allow for the stance you have taken to take root and grow into something stronger. So much of what happens in these times are encountered among days that seem to operate on a different understanding of time. The days that follow can seem to be endless. The love that we experience in Christ allows us to find our pathway to new joy, even while our sorrow guides us. When the initial tears of our pain arrive, they serve to wash the pathway ahead, and allow for a clearer view. I do not know how it is that we reconcile when we have been so deeply hurt that joy fails to arrive, and the tears fail to stop flowing. When we acknowledge how the pain has left us feeling abandoned, and we cannot find the breath to even whisper, "I forgive you." It is in these moments that I begin to fully understand God's omnipotent presence. Somehow, even when we fail to see God's image staring back at us in the mirror, there are still these words, "I love you." Do you hear His voice? Stay in God's grip! G. Todd Williams (c) 2020
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Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me All the days of my life; And I will dwell in the house of the Lord Forever. ~ Psalm 23:6 I often recite the 23rd Psalm at the bedside of patients who are in the final days of life. It's not uncommon for this to be the Psalm that families seem to cling to as a reminder of God's presence while in the, "valley of the shadow of death," and the promise, "that I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever."
While the depth of the Psalm changes with the situation, for me, I am often grateful when I arrive at the line where I am reminded that, "surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life." It is the reminder that I often need when I look to the day ahead and realize that I believe in a God that desires these things for me. So often, we end our prayers, "Lord, in Your mercy," we are reminded that mercy is essential in our relationship to God. Our cry for mercy exists when we find that we are willing to confess that somehow, somewhere, we ourselves have something to do with our losses. The longer I live, the more I seem to understand that mercy happens when I realize the truth of what I have done. Accepting blame, even when I have been a bystander, helps me to better understand the pain in the world. Accepting blame always helps us to understand our own role in human brokenness. "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me," is an invitation that is a prayer lifted from our heart where God's mercy knows our brokenness. Owning our pain and brokenness allows for God's mercy to flow through us, and ultimately to others. Stay in God's grip! G. Todd Williams (c) 2020 I awoke this morning to the sound of thunder in the distance and a gentle rainfall. It's been a while since we've had just a gentle rain. Sitting, drinking my coffee and watching it rain... for me, they are the perfect ingredients for my soul.
This morning I am drawn to the 27th Psalm, and how it seems to be speaking with me this morning... these words are this journey.... Psalm 27 for today.... The Lord is my light. When darkness seeks to bring doubt, and fear begins to enter my thoughts, the Lord seems to give me direction, making my GPS seem secondary to where my spirit is being carried. Even when it seemed as if my vulnerability to a problem might cause me to fail, the Lord prevailed! Even when I found myself being attacked on social media because I wrote the words that were on my heart, I will not be discouraged because it was You, Lord that placed them there. One thing that I will always seek, is peace, love and joy, for those are the things that provide a place in my heart of beauty and comfort. Because I know the world I live in is not perfect, and that I must struggle with the decisions of others, I will not be moved, because my faith in You is built upon granite! I will lift up my eyes, see the world around me, and sing a tune as I walk. I will smile, as I realize that You are humming with me! Sometimes You may hear me ask "Why?" when encountering situations that cause me to stop and become silent. When this happens, if You could whisper, "It will be okay," I will understand. When I see my reflection, I will look and discover Your face in mine. Surround me with Your presence and with those who are truly my friends, because when others know You around me, it is so much easier to know You are there! Because I know of Your presence, I will NEVER be alone! The lessons I have learned while growing up, will continue to keep me from harm. And as I walk, I will be aware that there will be those who may want me to stumble, because there are simply those in this world who wait for those who follow You to struggle. I love it that You provide grace and forgiveness when I asked for them! I'm grateful for today! Already I am happy because I have begun the day, before anything else, being present with YOU! Amen! Stay in God's grip! G. Todd Williams (c) 2020 My life as a hospice chaplain...Even though this happened a year ago, still today it is not unusual for me to go from the home of a patient who is Hindu, to a patient home celebrating Muslim rituals, sing a hymn at my next visit with a Christian patient, and then lift a prayer to "Adoni" with a Jewish patient.
You really have no idea just how similar the journey looks towards the end of life for each of us.... even in the midst of our differences. My role as a chaplain for Houston Hospice can be anything but typical, but I wouldn't want it any other way. Last year on this day I had to.... Find a Chinese speaking Buddhist Monk... CHECK Find a Spanish speaking Roman Catholic Priest... CHECK And I had a friend calling to ask if I knew a Rabbi that could do a bedside wedding for an older couple...CHECK While on the phone with my friend, a dear lady from Nigeria was sitting beside me while I waited in a hospital waiting room where I had been called to attend an extubation of a patient while I was on call. The family had decided to end treatment and placed their mom on hospice so that we could care for her as soon as treatment was stopped in the hospital. This is something people often don't realize is available. Houston Hospice will alert an entire team of people to be present for the family during the process, making sure that the patient is comfortable and the family has someone present with them. I had arrived before the family. I sat in the waiting room and began a conversation with this woman. She shared that she just lost her brother and she had overheard my conversation I had with the friend who needs a Rabbi. She turned to me and said, "They just expect you to have the answers and find these people?" I talked about how Houston is this amazing American "melting pot," and that because of that, I meet people from all over the world who represent so many faiths. She then asked, "Aren't you a Christian? Why do they expect you to take care of all of these things when they aren't Christian?" I didn't think about what I was going to say. I just shared, "And miss all the chances to understand who God is?" She just smiled and then asked if I would pray for her, "but to be sure to include Jesus. Not all those other things." ...CHECK (and a chuckle) "Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you." ~ 2 Thessalonians 3: 16 At some point we all encounter darkness. Even the sundial encounters cloudy skies, and sleeps while the moon crosses it's path. Our encounters with darkness are marks in our life that some of us find hard to face.
Even God reached a point where the words, "Let there be light!" were declared. Darkness is something we avoid. Like death, we don't discuss these moments. The death of Christ. The days in the tomb. The darkness of the sky. The darkness in our humanness, filled with uncertainty. But then, the stone is rolled away. Christ emerges. Although scarred and marked by the journey, we declare, "He is Risen!" One of the things that I struggle with is helping others understand their own mortality. I have moments in my life when I sit and try to remember the faces, the names, and those that I have journeyed with in the final chapter of their life. Often I can remember a story, laughter, tears, or the words to a final prayer that I prayed with the person. The times that we live in now seem to create a new understanding of our mortality. For some, this pandemic is creating a desire to take a different path. In Christ, the resurrection meets the earthly journey, and all darkness is gone. No more pain. No more sadness. No more... no more... I feel like the world seems heavy lately, while encountering darkness everywhere. Even the good guys that used to wear white hats seem to have turned dark. The things that I knew were right, seem to be lost in problems and principalities. Even friends that were once close, seem to be distant. The struggle is not the darkness, but remembering that the darkness cannot overcome the true light that lies within each of us. It seems that hope has been lost, but then, I remember... Even the smallest flicker of a candle cannot be overcome by the darkest of rooms. Although I seem to be embracing this time of reflection as something a bit dark, it is certainly shining light within and I still believe that there will be sunny days, where I won't just count the moments of happiness, but I shall remember the moments when darkness tried to overcome and failed. Let there be light! Stay in God's grip! G. Todd Williams (c) 2020 "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands. Day after day they pour forth speech; night after night they display knowledge. There is no speech or language where their voice is not heard." ~ Psalm 19:1-3 There is something about breaking bread, lifting a cup in prayer, and the words reminding us that bread represented a body broken, and that a cup represented blood that would be poured out for many.
When God took on flesh in Jesus Christ, the Divine and the created, the eternal and the temporal became united. This unity now means that all who live now, shall live forever. Everything mortal now points to the immortal Creator. In and through Jesus all creation has become the means for the face of God to be revealed to us. What I have discovered is that all things are sacred because God has spoken all things into existence. There is a redeeming quality in all things and everyone because with each creative stroke of the master, it is done in love. We aren't just here. We are an intentional part of the masterpiece! Seas and winds, mountains and trees, sun, moon, and stars, and all the animals and people have become sacred windows offering us glimpses of God. The sky above declares the glory of God, and we are reflective of God's glory. Let it shine, let it shine! Stay in God's grip! G. Todd Williams (c) 2020 Great crowds came to him, bringing the lame, the blind, the crippled, the mute and many others, and laid them at his feet; and he healed them. The people were amazed when they saw the mute speaking, the crippled made well, the lame walking and the blind seeing. And they praised the God of Israel. Jesus called his followers to him and said, "I have compassion for these people; they have already been with me three days and have nothing to eat. I do not want to send them away hungry, or they may collapse on the way." They answered, "Where could we get enough bread in this remote place to feed such a crowd?" "How many loaves do you have?" Jesus asked. "Seven," they replied, "and a few small fish." He told the crowd to sit down on the ground. Then he took the seven loaves and the fish, and when he had given thanks, he broke them and gave them to the disciples, and they in turn to the people. They all ate and were satisfied. ~ Matthew 15: 30-37 Fishermen along the Texas City Dike remind me of the solitude that the Disciples must have known prior to being called by Jesus.
The men who spent their time mending nets, casting their nets for fish, and living side by side, must have thought at one time or another that the crowds were overwhelming. It's like having a bus load of strangers dropped off at your home to visit someone staying at your home, and then everyone looks at you at once and says, "We are hungry!" And then you realize you haven't any food in the freezer, and only a few left overs packed away in the refrigerator. You haven't gotten paid, and you certainly don't feel comfortable leaving your home to seek out food. A call goes out among all. "Look, I can't care for you all." Somehow it seems to be okay. A few fish and some bread is pulled from the cabinet, there is grace, and somehow everyone in the room partakes. People are complimenting you on the hospitality and when the plates return, there is so much food, that you have to get another roll of aluminum wrap out to package what's left. Your refrigerator is full and everyone is ready to nap on your floor because they are so satisfied from the meal. The abundance that each of us experiences when we spend time with God can be overwhelming. There surely were days when those Fishermen wished they could go back and pick up those empty nets and spend the day in solitude. The ability to adapt, and to reach out to others was something that Jesus saw in each of the Disciples. Just as there are qualities in each of us that exists that only become known when we leave our current existence and trust enough in God to follow. Stay in God's grip! G. Todd Williams (c) 2020 For I received from the Lord what I also delivered to you, that the Lord Jesus on the night when he was betrayed took bread, and when he had given thanks, he broke it, and said, “This is my body, which is for you. Do this in remembrance of me.” In the same way also he took the cup, after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in my blood. Do this, as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me.” ~ 1 Corinthians 11:23-25 I've been feeling nostalgic the last few days, as a new group has been formed among several of us who grew up in and around Spencer, Indiana. As I approach my fortieth year since graduation, the memories of those days in Latin class, going to the Drive In and creating homecoming floats for parades, seem to come to life as other friends share their memories as well. I recognize that we are a living time capsule, ready to be opened, and to once again cast our eyes on what once was.
It makes me wonder about the times when those who walked with Jesus would gather around and "remember." In moments that were more than just breaking of bread and sips from a blessing cup, I can only imagine how they shared of moments when they were dirty from dusty roads, remembering that "one time" when Peter thought he could walk on water, and surely the afternoon when they saw Lazarus emerge from the tomb. Yes, I can only imagine what those conversations must have been like. I am drawn to remember nights when we would lay outside on the ground and stare at the sky, as fireflies would compete with stars that seemed to be so much brighter than they are today. How we would listen to the corn literally stretch, crack and grow, as it reached higher and higher. The distant sound of a calf who cried for its mother, and the occasional screech of an owl as it left the branches of the high pine tree branch. The gospel is meant to be like that for us. To breathe life, while bringing hope, peace, and unconditional love. For the times when we find ourselves feeling lonely, confronting impossible challenges, and when we hold one another. As we lift common words together to the One that is in heaven, "hallowed be Thy name..." I am driven by a faith that begins with the resurrected Jesus and fed by the memories and experiences of those who have lived a faithful life, filled with events that become memories of how their faith sustained and shaped each step. For us, these memories help us to understand how God can proclaim to be the great "I am," while always being present for each breath we encounter. I am grateful for those who have shared memories, how those days have shaped our understanding of the world, and how we are drawn to be community today. Stay in God's grip! G. Todd Williams (c) 2020 "To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven" ~ Ecclesiastes 3:1 Growing up in Indiana, I used to just love the fall. The hills and hollers would turn into a sea of red and orange. If you were to shuffle your feet while you walked, you could hear the sound of autumn as leaves crunched beneath your feet.
It's interesting how different seasons promote different memories. Although I miss those moments, for me now as an adult, the thought of fall is quickly a reminder that winter will soon follow. Aging is a process that we all encounter. I was reminded several years ago that we are Ecclesiastical people. Our lives are marked by seasons, or chapters. Our ability to maneuver through seasons, or situations in our lives, mark both our successes and challenges. Years of education, jobs, and the journeys as we create relationships. Autumn also reminds me of the term, "golden years," when we begin to reflect on all of these things, and prepare to enter our next journey as we die. Choosing to end one chapter and beginning the next can be created in many things. What's difficult for many of us is when a chapter ends abruptly, leaving us feeling like a failure because it may not have ended as we had hoped. Sometimes those endings leave us filled with uncertainty as a new chapter begins, and the fear of failure, or unsure of how to begin again paralyzes us. For the trees of the forest, the leaves that sprout forth in spring helps to identify the type of tree. While the green color of summer may look like the rest of the summer, the onset of autumn reveals much more. So it is with our lives until touched by God, who then reveals to us who we can truly be. Even as the leaves are surrendered in the fall, and the onset of winter leaves the tree bare. There is always the spring that will once again cause the cycle to begin again. God is always like that. Even while we look at a chapter in our life ending, God has the next chapter ready to be written. To everything there is a season... Stay in God's grip! G. Todd Williams (c) 2020 He got up, rebuked the wind and said to the waves, "Quiet! Be still!" Then the wind died down and it was completely calm. ~ Mark 4:39 Our eyes are on the sea as the impending storm is approaching. Vincent van Gogh in a series of letters shared of the sea. He wrote: "It is true there is an ebb and flow, but the sea remains the sea."
In our lives we are brought to places where we experience both highs and lows. Our spiritual life also encounters many shifts, while God remains the same. In many ways, God is the sea. I shared with our hospice team this morning as we finish preparations for the storm and the care of our patients, God is the sustainer of life, and God continues to call us back. Even during days of sadness, days of joy, days of uncertainty, moments of gratitude and through exhausting failures, we are being embraced by God's unwavering love. God is the sea, that when the storms of life overwhelm us, we must remember there is the ebb and flow of God that remains. Stay in God's grip! G. Todd Williams (c) 2020 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. ~ John 14:3 This picture was taken when I was about 15 years old. I'm the kid looking down at the ground, standing next to one of our fields on our farm in Southern Indiana. My grandfather took this photo. Funny how some days just seem to stay in your memory.
Life on our farm never seemed to be "easy," although there was nothing like being able to spend time walking a fence-line after a storm, play under the falls from the stream down at the bottom of the hill, or to watch as our cattle were turned out for the first time in the spring. They would literally kick their hooves up as the green meadow greeted them. While I don't talk about it much, my stepfather was a pretty abusive man. I'm not sure if it was the pressure of raising five children in a blended family. Trying to take care of a farm, while driving fifty miles each day to work as a foreman in a factory. Being married to my mom who was an alcoholic. As an adult I have spent years of my life "processing," so much of what occured during those years, with a lot of grace and forgiveness. So much of the time I would think of living life beyond those fields, especially when an encounter with my stepfather had been exceptionally harsh. I remember praying... a lot. Sometimes the prayers were for understanding. Sometimes for God to change everything. Sometimes they were raised just simply to talk to someone I thought would listen. Funny how forty years later I look at this picture and see the green field in my mind and think of it as the quiet meadow that the Psalmist shares of in the 23rd Psalm. I think of how God takes places of uncertainty for us and provides a place of safety. Even in the eye of the storm, there can be peace. I'm not sure what it is about our human nature that draws us to look beyond. As I sit with patients as they are dying, so often I watch as they stare "beyond," and often times will "reach" for what I cannot see. Our spirit knows that we are created to live beyond. Jesus tells the disciples, "I go to prepare a place for you..." I'm grateful to know that beyond the field, God has a place for us all. Stay in God's grip! G. Todd Williams (c) 2020 "What you sow does not come to life unless it dies. When you sow, you do not plant the body that will be, but just a seed, perhaps of wheat or of something else. So it will be with the resurrection of the dead. The body that is sown is perishable, it is raised imperishable..." ~ I Corinthians 15: 36b, 37, 42 In my life I have spent hours sharing my faith while encouraging others to believe that death is a passage to new life as they live out their final days. I will admit, that while I try to remain positive during these conversations, in the back of my mind I wonder if I will be ready to make this journey myself?
What most of us don't realize is that our life isn't about one journey, but many. When we are born we make a passage from life in the womb to life in the family. When we go to school we make a passage from life in the family to life in the larger community. When we get married we make a passage from a life with many options to a life committed to one person. When we retire we make a passage from a life of clearly defined work to a life asking for new creativity and wisdom. Each of these passages is a death leading to new life. When we live these passages well, we are becoming more prepared for our final passage. I am grateful to have been blessed by folks who have blessed me in their final journey. Stay in God's grip! G. Todd Williams (c) 2020 "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." ~ Philippians 4:13 Recognizing potential within ourselves is something that comes easy for some, while others seem to take a lifetime to discover.
One of the things I used to ask the youth I would encounter living on the street was, "Who told you this about yourself, and why did you believe it?" It works for both good things and bad. Let's say you go through life hearing each day that you do something poorly. After a period of time, you may actually begin to think that what you are hearing about yourself is true. Words that we hear about ourselves can be powerful. How we talk to others can also be powerful. I'm grateful that God doesn't always make sense. You know, I just love it when the "least expected" becomes the overwhelming answer to a situation. It is both unexpected and it's what miracle stories are all about. Listening to what others say about us only has power when we begin to believe it. Divine intervention has overwhelming consequences. Believing in our potential starts with a simple verse, "I can do all things..." Words of encouragement for one another begins with, "I believe you can..." Being the example is "Believing I can because God is speaking and I am listening..." Be the words that you speak! Stay in God's grip! G. Todd Williams (c) 2020 Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. ~ Matthew 11:28 - 30 This morning I am making plans to meet with a family that I have known for a few years now as they place a loved one on hospice. I have been on several journeys with them, as I have served as both a chaplain and pastor for them. A few years ago I met the matriarch of the family when she was on hospice, who smiled each time I entered the home as she welcomed me. Her husband, one of the true heroes of WWII, who marched into Japan just days after the atomic bomb changed the world forever, would show me photos that he took, and share how "God walked with us."
I soon met their grandson, who would come and watch football games with his grandfather, and help to organize plants on the patio. The two were so much fun to watch, as they would root for opposing teams, and laugh at poorly delivered jokes. On Easter morning before going to the church I serve, I made the trip to Sugar Land to break bread with them and celebrate with the words, "He is Risen!" Within eighteen months, I would preside at the funeral for all three of these people. Funny how life is like that. Funny how my life just seems to be full of people in the final chapters of their life. While hospice is like that, it is also about helping others through these chapters. I know today when I enter the home of this family, the familiar, "Pastor Todd," will be the name they will call me. The name given to me by the matriarch who refused to call me, "Todd." I will once again be listening to how another final chapter is being written, and I will once again hold their hands as we pray. These are "normal" days for me. In many ways, I am reminding myself that Jesus was not afraid of, or overwhelmed by things like this. Instead, he invites us to bring it all before him. The words of Matthew seem to resonate within me as I think of the day before me... "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." (Matthew 11:28-30) These are the words that we can carry with us as we all remain in God's grip! G. Todd Williams (c) 2020 Then Job replied to the Lord, "I know that you can do all things; no plan of yours can be thwarted. You asked, 'Who is this that obscures my counsel without knowledge?' Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know.' " ~ Job 42:1 - 3 One thing we are learning about living in a pandemic, is that we are being reminded how unexpected events are molding and shaping our hearts.
Whether it is something that brings us joy, or even sorrow, there is something about each new day that we are encountering that changes us. We are all learning something about empathy. It is easier to empathize with someone when you realize the similar journey. If you have been wounded, or experienced the joy similar to what is being shared, then our ability to be present with one another somehow is also changed. Last year after my cousin, John, died while being cared for by the hospice that I serve, I suddenly discovered that with each new family that I was meeting, I could listen and understand what they were going through in a new way. Up until John's death, I was someone who cared for people who were on hospice, not completely understanding what the person was sharing and going through, until I made the journey with John. While it has brought me to a new place, I realize that I don't have to encounter everything that people have experienced in order to care. There are so many things present in the world today that cause us to move apart from one another. The world's fast-paced, 8 second sound bytes, leave us with the simple, "I'm fine," and walk away when we are asked how we are doing. Imagine the answers to the same question, "How are you really doing?" if the person being asked really knew that you cared, and that you would stop to listen? The unexpected cannot happen and change us unless we are willing to allow for it to happen. Could you imagine if God were to listen to our needs the way that we listen to the needs of others? Could you imagine our relationship with God if God only gave us 8 seconds to share what we are feeling, experiencing, or needing? It serves as a reminder that we need to make our ability to create intimate relationships with one another something that we intentionally do. In many ways, our lives become an empty existence. Experiencing the unexpected requires a willingness to not be in control. It requires trust, surrender, and a willingness to allow God to guide us, even in the midst of the days were are living in now. Stay in God's grip! G. Todd Williams (c) 2020 |
AuthorRev. G. Todd Williams is the author of the book, "Remember Me When..." and is a former hospice chaplain and pastor. Archives
February 2024
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